An Open Letter to Motireniik

Good day elders! 

I am reliably informed that thanks to the changes in the school calendar, our boys are going for initiation around this time. For a deep lover of culture, and especially  those aspects of culture that are performed, I must admit that circumcision ceremonies  are one of my  most favorite cultural functions. From the delightful coming together to the passionate hailing of our boys as they prepare to transition to manhood( not to mention the richness of language) to the boisterous and thoroughly  entertaining traditional songs and dances to the refreshing and revitalizing traditional brew among other things.

I however have a few concerns. First, it goes without saying that ours is a partriachal culture. We are naturally conditioned to hold our men in high regard. It is time we questioned the premise of that reverence, especially because, for a woman to attain such a status she must have something first,  say, a well paying job. As if to suggest that for a Kalenjin woman to attain full humanity, she must have something to her name. I have also observed over the years that for a certain period af time after the young initiates come out of seclusion, they neither greet nor respond to women and girls’ greetings. They also never set their feet in the kitchen. I find that abundantly ludicrous.

Here’s a few suggestions for your consideration from this year henceforth; 

1) Teach our boys to respect men and women equally. And no. Not because women are their mothers and sisters. But because women are half of humanity, and are  therefore human just as men are.

2) Teach our boys that they do not have any entitlement to women’s bodies. Teach them about CONSENT.

3) Teach our boys that cooking and cleaning are basic skills for both boys and girls. The idea that men should not enter the kitchen is outdated, backward, primitive and despicable. 

4) We live in a culture that shames men for crying. Please remake Masculinity. Teach our boys that human beings are emotional beings and that there is no shame in crying.Teach them also that real men do not start fights. That real men are honest and responsible.

5) Teach our boys that domestic work and caregiving are not singularly female domains. Teach them that real men play an active role in parenting. And parenting isn’t about school fees only. It is about supporting the physical, emotional, intellectual and social development of a child from INFANCY to adulthood.

6) Teach them about RESPONSIBLE sex. Emphasize to them that unless they want to be fathers, they MUST always use protection during sex. We cannot win the war on teenage pregnancies by singing to girls alone. It doesn’t even make sense.

7) Be deliberate on your selection of “tutors” for our boys during the seclusion period.. We have good models in our society. Men of steely resolve such as *Aaron Cheruiyot* , *Nelson Koech* , *Reverend Kosgey* to mention just but a visible few. There are many other progressive and well meaning men out there. They are in our villages. Find them. Utilize them. Let them teach our boys how to be decent men. It is dispiriting to see perennial wife barterers, school drop outs, deadbeat dads, perpetual drunkards who are known for hurling vulgarities and “blocking water” making regular trips to those menjos. What models do they provide for our boys?

We are lucky as a community to have such a platform for preparing boys for adulthood. Let us collectively make good use of it, for the good of our community and the society as a whole.

I wish our boys a seamless transition!